Nice Rack!

I actually had a sweaty construction guy lob this "compliment" at me from where he was doing something with his hands that involved wood this morning.  I phrased the sentence that way because I couldn't see his hands, so I'm unsure what "wood" he was pounding (so to speak).  Regardless of the source, I was flattered in a "I need some Lysol" kind of way, but I'll take the compliments as they cum...er come. 

Lost Weekend

I had one of those weekends where, at the end of it, you reflect and wonder what the hell you did for those two days.  See, I used to indulge on weekends.  A croissant here, a Starbucks Frappuccino there.  Maybe even brunch at a local café.    Now I'm relegated to a cherry tomato here, a broccoli stem there.  It just isn't the same.   Will I ever be able to eat crap again?  Probably not - not on a regular basis, at least.  But a girl can dream, can't she?

Candy Crush Saga Dependency

Here I am on a no candy (you name it) diet, and now I'm obsessed with a Facebook app called Candy Crush Saga.  Instead of matching the types of candies and eliminating the "jellies," I dream I'm eating all the similar confections.  Just another way my subconscious is fucking with me!!!

To Russian Dressing With Love.....

I was watching the classic Bond film for only the 1000th time when,suddenly, I had an urge to nibble on a salad.   On OptiFast, I really don't drench my lettuce in anything but desperation.  However, tonight I spied a solitary glass bottle, huddled near the back of my stainless steel KitchenAid French door, bottom mount.  Almost frozen and separated from the rest of the salad dressings, it sat there regally displaying its label.  Wish-Bone Russian Dressing - "only 6 grams of fat."  I hastily shook it until the contents blended, then opened the bottle to the fresh aroma of lemon, vinegar, paprika, and onions.  There's nothing better than some Russian in my salad.

Well, Whad'ya Know....

Another good week at weight loss.  Lost 8 pounds in one month.  However, I feel half of that came from my brain cells.  I can feel my intelligence slowly seeping out of my pours when I work out.  So, I guess, the question is - do I want to beautiful but dumb or intelligent and just striking????????  I'll get back to you on that.

Holy Slut of a Day, Batman!

Every day I'm alive is a great day; that's for sure.  I wake up every morning knowing this may be my last day on earth.  No one knows what fate has in store for them or what twists and turn await.  Today was different.  I didn't want to wake up.  In fact, I begged the God of all that is Decedent to keep me smack dab in the middle of the greatest orgy I've ever dreamt.  I'm unable to adequately describe it on paper.  In fact, I'm still trembling from the after shocks.   Suffice to say, there were bodies, fried chicken, and lots of some type of lubricant. Screw the diet  - give me a fat, cheesy orgy topped with whipped cream.    

Fat Jokes

 

 

 

 

[insert my name] was so fat when she stepped on the scale it said, "To be continued."

 

[insert my name] was so fat, she couldn't jump to a conclusion.

 

[insert my name] butt is so big, she got stopped at the airport for having 200 pounds of crack!

 

Get the drift?  It's not been a good day, to say the very least. 

 

As Forrest Gump once said, "Fat is what fat does."  Or something like that.  'Nuff said.