Day Three - I've Got to Pee

One thing about being back on an Opti-Fast regime is the peeing. Lots of it due to the liquid nature of the diet. Two shakes and one soup everyday in addition to the normal load of tea and water. My bladder is one happy (and fully distended) organ. No one really likes discussing their urination habits, unless you find yourself trapped near a group of pregnant women (while waiting for your annual pap smear, etc.). I've heard more salacious urination stories from the mouths of pregnant gals than from the volumes of kinky porn an ex-boyfriend collected as "serious art."

I always sigh when I'm done peeing. I guess it's the relief of knowing my bodily FIFO system (first in, first out) still works after all of these decades. Tomorrow I'll discuss the fine points of defecation. :-)

Deja Fucking Vu All Over Again

I've been absent for quite some time now. Too busy feasting like Jabba the Hut on everything from whoopee pies to bacon-encased meatloaf. But as John Donne once wrote (probably in a delirious fog of cocaine and jelly beans): "For whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee." Well, my "bell" sits right atop my thighs and it's called my big, fat ass. It's been "tolling" for a couple of weeks now as it grows the size of Newark, NJ. So, I'm back on an Opti-Fast regime. Vanilla shakes (yum, and better than eating my neighbor's spleen) and all. I will record my innermost musings from time to time, mostly in an attempt to divert my attention from eating my neighbor's cat. My ups, my downs, my rants, and my cravings will be duly noted on this blog. It will be raw and, at times, difficult to read (just like anything Stephanie Meyers writes), but it will be real. Stay tuned...