Deja Fucking Vu All Over Again

I've been absent for quite some time now. Too busy feasting like Jabba the Hut on everything from whoopee pies to bacon-encased meatloaf. But as John Donne once wrote (probably in a delirious fog of cocaine and jelly beans): "For whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee." Well, my "bell" sits right atop my thighs and it's called my big, fat ass. It's been "tolling" for a couple of weeks now as it grows the size of Newark, NJ. So, I'm back on an Opti-Fast regime. Vanilla shakes (yum, and better than eating my neighbor's spleen) and all. I will record my innermost musings from time to time, mostly in an attempt to divert my attention from eating my neighbor's cat. My ups, my downs, my rants, and my cravings will be duly noted on this blog. It will be raw and, at times, difficult to read (just like anything Stephanie Meyers writes), but it will be real. Stay tuned...