My Mother Should Have Aborted Me

That's a horrible thought, but I felt so shitty this morning I just wanted to close my eyes and implode.  You might be thinking, "what caused her to do a George Bailey?" (It's a Wonderful Life reference for all you non-film buffs)  I stepped on the mother fucking scale, I did.  See, I thought I'd magically lose 20 pounds consuming mostly liquid for the last seven days.  But nooooooo.  I lost a paltry two pounds.  TWO POUNDS?  WHAT THE FUCK?  Okay, okay.  I know it's only the first week but can't Dietress, the Goddess of all that is Sexy and Thin, shine brightly upon me just ONE FUCKING TIME?  There.  It's out of my ever so slowly shrinking system.  Now I'm good.  Two pounds?  It's actually a decent start.  Now back to gnawing on celery.