Would You Like Thighs With That Beer Gut?

Why is it that men only gain weight in their stomachs?  I saw this dude today and he had the biggest gut I've seen...with little stork legs and no ass.  I mean, when I pack on the pounds it travels to my ass, knees, ear lobes, arm pits, and ankles.  It seems easier to lose the weight if it's concentrated in one section instead of spread (like velvety cream cheese frosting) over the entire surface area of my being.  It basically just pisses me off.  Frankly, I'd rather have all my fat concentrated in my tits.  I'd be worshipped the world over and never want for an extra tray table or shelf.